So far my holidays have given me the chance to catch up on my reading and viewing. Nothing like a couple of hours to read a book through cover to cover. And that's what I did yesterday with Bernhard Schlink's "The Reader". Apart from being a compelling read, it is quite a short book and I felt that it would be sacrilegious to stop half-way and go and eat something – just had to get to the end of it. Haven’t seen the film yet, but I imagine it should be very interesting with Stephen Daldry as the director and scriptwriter David Hare (who wrote the script for “The Hours”).
And I read the book two days after I’d seen McEwan’s “Atonement” on DVD. This time I’ve seen the film and not read the book yet (Guilherme, please lend me your copy!). Another wonderful film. And I felt after yesterday that both book and film didn’t come round my way these last few days by coincidence – they are linked in many ways, the themes of war, post-war, death, love, relationships, guilt, remorse, repulsion, sexual desire – they’re all there in both works. And interesting that I come across both works just after Easter…..
This whole issue of guilt and remorse – how do we all deal with these feelings? They are so inbred in us because of our Christian background and we feel guilty about the smallest things. But what about feeling guilty about big issues? How do you actually deal with this? Doesn’t the enormity of it just cause confusion? Isn’t this the case with Briony in Atonement? Or how about not being able at all to conceive you are guilty of something? What if there is a numbness and complete lack of awareness of what you are doing? Can someone be so egocentrical that they can’t conceive what they are doing? Is this the case with Hannah? This reminds me of Richard III’s soliloquy just before the Battle of Bosworth when he awakes, all confused, from a nightmare which is a moment of insight into what he has done:
What? do I fear myself? there's none else by:
Is there a murtherer here? No. Yes, I am:
Then fly: what! from myself? Great reason: why?
Lest I revenge. What? myself upon myself?
Alack! I love myself. Wherefore? for any good
That I myself have done unto myself?
And this is, for me, the confusion which guilt brings – people see themselves for who they really are and it’s a really awful picture (a bit like Dorian Grey).
But guilt is present in our daily lives (in a smaller scale of course – I hope!). Is guilt something we use to show us the good things we do and we are capable of doing? What motivates us to donate money to charity, to give to a beggar, to pamper our children and spoil them, to spend hours helping someone out? Is it just pure altruism? How good is being good!!!! Can I be good without being bad?
Sorry, very dark and deep thoughts (but the film and book do dwell on these things) and I thought I needed to get them out into the open, into the light rather than just dwell on them by myself and dream about them.
